GRAMMY awards

So tonight are the Grammy Awards in Los Angeles, and unfortunately we couldn't attend since Jake is on tour and that's why I am also in Finland. Or I don't know how unfortunate it is, because last year I swore I would never go again because of all the stress I had for like 2 months before the event. But then AFTER the event I was hoping I could go again, because I screwed up with my makeup and felt most of the pictures didn't end up good because of that. So I wanted to get a new chance haha. I would have got it this year when Jake still got the invitation even they were not nominated. Well, maybe next time, but what I have right now for you is memories from last year! I decided to write this post in English only because I don't even know if anyone reads these :D Comment here or let me know on my Insta story if English is ok, or if you prefer Finnish.

I have improved my picture editing skills during this past year, so I was able to publish more pictures now haha. Well I didn't have a blog at that time either, so I only posted 2 pictures after the awards to Instagram, and that was it. Later I have posted couple of more though. Now I wish I would have had this blog or more active social media at that time, because that would have meant concentrating on taking better pictures too. 

Luckily Jake's tour photographer Ray came to New York with them, and majority of these pictures are taken by him. But those very few pictures and videos I took were taken with my old iPhone 6, and even worse, with Instagram's camera, straight to the mystory... I just wasn't as interested in photography at that time as I am now, so I didn't even think it would later bother me if the pictures or videos are not that good quality. 

Back to the Grammy's. Why was I so upset then? I'm just extremely particular when it comes to certain things, and one of them is make up. That's probably the reason why I hadn't done like ANY make up for half a year before the event. It's easier for me to be always without makeup when it takes so much time and effort for me to do it, especially when I don't like natural makeup, I like dark one. So it's kind of all or nothing :D 

I had decided I would do a test make up couple of times before the event, especially with the red lipstick which I very rarely do, but I ended up being lazy and just tried the lipstick once at home. The day of the Grammy's is definitely NOT the day when you want to learn to do makeup again. I had lots of pressure so it didn't help at all. Now when looking at the pictures the lips seem to be pretty ok, but on that day I wasn't satisfied. But I needed to do try it so I would match Jake's bow tie! Luckily someone else did my hair! I couldn't have done anything to it... 

I woke up early to get ready, probably around 7 am which was easy because of the jet lag. We were supposed to leave around 2:30, so I had plenty of time. But when you haven't done any makeup for that long time, it takes longer than if you would've been doing it every day. I put too much eyeshadow, and didn't blend it well enough. My eyeliner was too thick in the middle of my eye which made my eyes to look small and round, and it just wasn't how I had imagined it to be. Also my lips are really thin, and I was very careful with lining them because I wanted to avoid making them to look ridiculous with over lining them. But I ended up lining them almost inside my lip line, which made them to look even smaller...

Afterwards when people asked how did it go and if I tried to tell someone I was disappointed, I was just told I looked pretty and wasn't kind of allowed to complain because "you look good so you shouldn't be complaining"... It just doesn't always go like that, everyone can feel insecure no matter how they look, and no matter how good others think they look. Everyone wants to be the best version of themselves, and I felt I wasn't, so I was upset. I had one job. And just for one day! But enough of excuses and complaining, it's over now (or has been for the past year) and I can't change how the day went, I can only change how I remember it! It doesn't bother me anymore, and I have only good memories from that day.

Luckily I found a dress that fit me well, because that was kind of a concern also when at first I couldn't find anything. I wanted an off shoulder dress and preferably with long sleeves, because that's pretty much the only style I like and that fits my body type when it comes to the upper body... But at that time those had not gotten so popular yet, so I couldn't find off shoulder dress from anywhere... Or if I did, they were too short for me. I wanted long one, and I am 175cm / 5"9 tall, but my heels were like 10cm / 4 inch so the dress needed to be even longer to cover my feet.

I went to all the possible stores in Helsinki (and some in the states as well), and all they got were pretty much those pastel colored prom dresses, or dresses with glitter and sequin stuff or something. They still store the dresses like from the year -97 so they can tell "we have 3000 dresses here"... I went through the whole internet as well, and the best option I found can be seen in the pictures. It's Jarlo London dress from Zalando, and was probably 120e which was obviously a good price. At first I was actually wondering is it going to be too cheap looking, but after I got to try it on, I didn't think so. I was just overwhelmed by the prices at these shops, and thought I have to pay at least like 500e to get a proper dress. 

I guess it is mostly the brand that would cost, and I don't care about any brands at all. No one can see what brand it is anyway, unless you tell it or someone has just happened to see it before... Of course quality costs as well, but I don't need to have like a life time warranty for a dress I'm going to wear for few hours. For me the quality was good enough as long as you couldn't see through the dress, it didn't get wrinkly, and it was thick enough so for example the hip bones and bra straps were hidden. That was a problem with some dresses that were too thin material...

My shoes were from Zalando too, probably 35e hahah. Well they weren't shown much underneath my dress anyway, and those just were the best looking shoes I found. I also needed to have platform and thicker heel. I thought they would be more comfortable like that, but they weren't... I had the same situation with heels as I had with makeup, or actually even worse... I had not walked with heels for probably 4 years, and definitely remembered why! Also since I'm already pretty tall, I feel awkward wearing heels, and it makes me not to stand straight. I don't have the best posture in a first place, so especially when I was a bit taller than Jake with the heels, you can kinda see me trying to adjust myself to his height.

 My feet were dying before we had even got anywhere close to the Madison Square Garden. Our hotel was just around the corner, but some roads were closed so we needed to walk around the whole neighborhood to get there. But that was again my own fault, I should have either practiced walking with them, or chosen smaller heel... I just don't like how they look. I ended up walking barefoot back to the hotel. Luckily there wasn't any snow, but it was still pretty cold at this time of the year in NYC. I had also got this faux fur jacket for 30e from secondhand shop, but it's originally from H&M. I'm glad I got it even it was annoying to carry around, but I would have been freezing if walking outside without it.

Oh, and my purse was from Primark, it was 5 dollars! At first I had asked my friends if they would have any purse or clutch I could borrow, but I wanted just black one anyway, the kind of that doesn't say anything anywhere. Again I couldn't imagine wearing a purse of any brand, and I actually don't owe any. My "purse" has always been camo duffle bag, or a tote bag. I don't even know how to carry a purse. I'm always awkward at job interviews, because I have borrowed a purse from my mom, and don't exactly know how to carry it. So I found this nice clutch, exactly same style as my heels, both of them were shiny vinyl "leather". Afterwards the clutch has been my favorite as a wallet to match my vinyl boots.

I had went to get a spray tan for the first time ever, and unfortunately it didn't last until the event the way I was hoping... My flight was on Friday afternoon and the event on Sunday, so I had got the tan on Thursday. I could have done it in New York as well, but they said it will last for a week. Luckily the tan didn't have to be perfect all over the body, since only my upper body was shown, and mostly my arms. I avoided showering and I think I managed to shower just once or maybe twice, but I washed my hands much more than showered so there wasn't like anything left on my hands... If I ever need a spray tan again, I know to get it a day or maximum 2 days before. I also got my nails done to match my red lips!

The actual event was at Madison Square Garden as I mentioned, but there was 2 different award ceremonies. The main event is already like 3 hours long but there is million different categories, and not all of them unfortunately fit to the main ceremony. Especially when majority of people are only interested in categories like pop, hip hop etc... So rock, metal, jazz, country etc. awards were given earlier on that day, starting from around 3pm. It was going to be a long day! The main ceremony started only after 7pm, and there was going to be an afterparty as well.

We walked through the red carpet, took some photos, the guys had some interviews, and then we went to listen the pre ceremony for like half an hour. Luckily we got to know in advance what time their category is going to be announced, so we didn't need to sit there for the whole day. Later we needed to wait a little while until the main ceremony would start, and we were just casually eating hot dogs and pretzels there, like in any ice hockey or basketball game at Madison Square Garden. Even the drinks we got were poured into NHL plastic cups. Finally we felt like home!

By the time the main event started, we were kinda tired and already waiting to get back to the hotel (at least me and Jake), especially when we hadn't seen each other for like 3 weeks, and there was 3 more weeks until we would see each other again. Or that's what Jake thought. I had actually planned to stay in New York, and then travel to Dallas few days later to surprise Jake on his birthday. I was able to keep the secret until I got to Dallas, and it was the best birthday surprise I could ever give, especially when it comes to HOW I traveled all the way from New York to Texas... I took 48h long bus across the country. I'm probably going to make a whole post about that trip later, there's kinda lot to tell... I realized the people who take a bus in the states are people who doesn't have money for a car or flight, or have luggage they can not take to a plane...

Anyway, we watched the main event with Jake maybe for half an hour or something, and then we wanted to spend some quality time together, which in our case meant Hard Rock Cafe and walking around so I could get pictures haha! We didn't stay out late though, because the guys had an early flight the next morning. The venue was so big that I could barely see the stage, and even I would have, I didn't know much about the music and artists that were nominated and performing there anyway. I remember seeing Rihanna and Lady Gaga, those girls even I know haha.

Well, I guess I didn't have anything too spectacular to tell... The more interesting part of this trip started after the Grammy's as I mentioned, and I'll make a post of all that later. To be honest I already tried to make a video of it, where I explained the whole story and added pictures from the road... I actually did the same of the Grammy's, I told about the process in Finnish on a video, but I guess I wasn't ready for publishing that yet. 

I kinda would like to make videos, but not sure in which language. I would prefer in Finnish of course, but I feel bad when half of my followers wouldn't understand it then. Obviously I speak pretty fluent English, but already saying that out loud makes some Finnish people extremely triggered and they want to point all the mistakes I would make from now on to prove me wrong and make fun of it. I know there is no one outside of Finland who would be bothered by my English, but it's funny how Finnish people are the ones who judge the most, even they don't speak like natives themselves, and definitely don't have balls to speak English in public or on the internet. 

Everyone outside of Finland are just proud and amazed if someone speaks another language, but Finnish people always just concentrate on how imperfect someone's English is. Obviously they usually do that anonymously, and most of the times they don't speak any better English themselves, but it's easy to point out someone else's mistakes, and for some reason Finnish people get really bothered by how someone else does something. I personally have NEVER met or heard any Finnish person speaking English the way that you couldn't hear they are not native speakers. No matter if you were exchange student or whatever, you can always hear they are not native speakers. I know that I will never sound like a native speaker, it's just impossible with Finnish background. I will never know all the words, but I won't know them in Finnish either. 

I know I'm perfectly capable of speaking English, I mean I couldn't have a serious relationship if I wasn't. I have also been able to study and work in English in different English speaking countries, so there shouldn't be any problem with it. But unfortunately there is that fear of judgement and people making fun of me because that has happened before (online and in real life), so I feel I'm not ready for that at least yet. Maybe in future I'll get the courage to do and actually publish these videos, but unfortunately I decided to publish this just as a written post for now.